I’ve never understood people who just shrug and let things go, even if they’ve been horribly wronged.
I’ve lived through my adolescent years bearing grudge, actually make that grudges and there might be some truth in the saying ‘that holding grudges affect you the most’ because I was this irritable guy.
If someone I had a tiff with came to the room I was in, my body would tense up and I’d feel and emit negativity.
I am convinced that people could feel it coming off of me and in retrospect I think that also affected my association and relationship with those I was perfectly fine with.
Do it for your mental peace–What matters is if you forgive them in your heart or not. And once you do you can feel a weight lift off of you.
Forgiveness does not always have to involve a face-to-face meeting or even liking that person again. You forgive the person for what they have done to you, if what they did to you made you hate them, then you need to work on neutralizing that hatred.
Let go and let God – Whatever wrong they did to you is their karma and how you react is yours. It’s true that often it is not easy to be the bigger person and forgiveness is not an overnight thing but you can work up to it.
Once you decide to forgive the person, don’t dwell on the negatives better still don’t dwell on it at all. If you want to rekindle your relationship, that’s even better. Just make sure that you have truly forgiven them and that the past won’t catch up.
So you don’t end up doing something destructive – Whether it is saying words that can lacerate the heart or actually end up lacerating someone, bearing a grudge leads to hatred and hatred results in other destructive consequences.
How to forgive others even when they don’t deserve it?
Remember it’s for you not them– You need to tell yourself that you are forgiving them because it is for your own good. Deep down we are all selfish, we do things out of self love most, so when you make yourself realize that forgiving others is for your own benefit, you come around to accepting the idea better.
Acknowledge that you have been wronged– Most people try to ignore it, bury it, let the incident be but the feeling, the negativity associated with it eats away at you. You can silence the incident but not the feelings associated.
So acknowledge that someone’s upset you or hurt you and it has affected you. Acknowledge that and tell yourself “I know so and so person has hurt me by saying this or by doing this but I choose to forgive them for my peace”
Think from their perspectives– A friend once betrayed me and it hurt me a lot. I had written him off completely until one day I went to a life coaching seminar where the speaker was talking about different perceptions.
And the first thing I did was write down why he could have betrayed me. I came up with three possible stories and when I saw things that way, I felt a little less hurt, I felt more understanding of him and I felt more willing to forgive.
Talk about it if you can– Some people need to be face-to-face to forgive others. It could have been a misunderstanding or it could be that you exaggerated the entire situation to be worse than it was.
If you want to talk about it to the person concerned, nothing better. It’d make things easier for you. But practically speaking, not everyone is going to be receptive to this. People always come up with excuses when they do someone wrong, and if the person concerned is one such person then he might not be on the same wavelength as you.
Do something constructive to vent the anger– Grudges are always associated with anger. And anger won’t let you forgive others. So try to deal with that anger in a constructive way.
Use it to fuel your workouts or use it to write down something constructive, you’d be surprised by the result. You can also meditate. Meditation isn’t a direct way to vent anger; it is more of a slow and permanent way to both dissipate anger that you’ve been carrying around for years and a way to gain control over them.
Forgiving is good for you, it sets you free. If there is someone you think you have been bearing a grudge against, forgive them in your heart and move on.